Domestic Smack-down: When and if it is okay for a man or woman to get physically confrontational with their partner

Have you ever been so fed up with your partner that you’ve quite literally wanted to wring their neck or give them a good swat? Welcome to the world of normal relationships. I can’t begin to explain how many times I looked at my partner and wanted to just smack him. Repeatedly. I never acted upon this desire, but what if I did? Would there be a situation that would make it okay or justifiable?

For me and probably many others, the idea of putting your hands on your seemingly unbearable partner is more appealing when words just aren’t enough when an argument ensues. You’ve tried reason; you’ve tried screaming and yelling too but your point just isn’t hitting home. Frustrated and increasingly angry at your stubborn partner, you completely forgo reason and take aim at their feelings. You get angrier when your words don’t seem to make an impact and then your partner does it; they go there. You know what I mean: the one “below the belt” hot button that they know is sure to do damage. Now you want to see them hurt like you’re hurting. Furious beyond reason with a fresh layer of hurt, no words can do justice to how bad you want to see your partner suffer in that given moment. You start to visibly shake and you can swear that you see red.

At this point, many people do one of two things. The first route to take is to get away and fast because they know if they stay in their current situation, they’ll take the second route which is to hurt their partner not with words, but with our hands.

So is there a point where we say, “Yeah, he/she deserved the slap/hit/punch”? The ethically sound answer is no, but in fact we already tolerate and justify levels of physical abuse as acceptable.

Here’s a scenario:

A man his hanging out with his buddies, watching the game. His girlfriend comes home, frazzled after a long day of work and just wants to relax. Her mood doesn’t get any better when she sees her man and five or six of his closest friends crammed in the living room, hollering at the T.V. and making a mess of the place with empty food packages and wrappers everywhere. HER empty food packages and wrappers. The woman drops her purse by the door and passes her boyfriend on the way to the next room.“Don’t you think you could have let me know you were gonna have people over?”. He rolls his eyes and looks down at her. “C’mon, you need to chill out and quit being such a bitch”.

Hot button activated.

The woman squares her shoulders and slaps her man soundly across the face before exiting the room while his friends laugh and crow about how he just got hit.
Now let’s use a similar scenario but reverse the roles of the man and woman. How would the frustrated man be tolerated by a woman’s friends who just witnessed the girlfriend get smacked? Not pleasantly, to say the least.
When it comes down to it, women and men are measured by different standards when it comes to what is unacceptable and what is tolerated. This is not because of the difference in strength and build or who has which physiological make-up; these standards are man-made.

Physical abuse is unacceptable for anyone to participate in regardless of gender. As mindful adults, we certainly have the capacity to resolve our issues beyond the primitive behavior of physically fighting. Would it feel good to get it out of your system? More than likely. Would you regret it? Certainly.
There are plenty alternatives to calm your nerves other than to take out your mood on your partner’s face and/or body. Take a walk, write a letter, punch a pillow. These methods are cliché, but they are still around for a reason; they work. Try them instead.