Don't Ask, Don't Tell?

The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law was put into place to make the simple statement that “if no one inquires about your sexuality, then we don’t want to know”. This enables the gay men and women in our community to serve their country without having to reveal their sexuality and be subject to harassment and being relieved of their duties from the military.

Freedom to choose how to live is the American way and that’s what our soldiers defend. We do not expect people to hide their sexual orientation anywhere else, so why the military? As progressive as we have become as a nation, the gay community is still facing a slow, uphill battle when it comes to obtaining rights to marry and to serve their country.

When women joined the military and lobbied for equal treatment and access to jobs beyond the role of secretary, the government made the adjustments to accommodate the growing participation of women in the military. It does not seem like a stretch to accommodate our gay soldiers by creating the necessary environment that would satisfy them and the government.

Failing provide gay soldiers with these regulations that meet their needs is problematic not only for them but for heterosexual soldiers as well. There are rules put into place that provide men and women with separate living quarters. One of those reasons is to protect the privacy of men and women. When I was in Iraq, all the women were herded into a single un-air conditioned tent where we slept, dressed and stored our gear. I recall an instance where my privacy was violated when I was changing only to find a known lesbian in the unit staring me down as I dressed so I resorted to changing in the shower trailer. She was a good person just as I had many good male soldiers that were friends but I wouldn’t be willing to let them watch me dress either.

Turning a blind eye and refusing to acknowledge gay men and women in the military is denying them their rights to exercise their freedoms as individuals that they risk their lives to defend. Although some of their fellow soldiers are accepting of them, gay soldiers are still persecuted, harassed, and alienated and because the government does not want to acknowledge the existence of gay men and women in the military, they are not protected.

The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law is archaic; it is time to create new laws that protect all Americans that want to serve their country without exclusion.

Domestic Smack-down: When and if it is okay for a man or woman to get physically confrontational with their partner

Have you ever been so fed up with your partner that you’ve quite literally wanted to wring their neck or give them a good swat? Welcome to the world of normal relationships. I can’t begin to explain how many times I looked at my partner and wanted to just smack him. Repeatedly. I never acted upon this desire, but what if I did? Would there be a situation that would make it okay or justifiable?

For me and probably many others, the idea of putting your hands on your seemingly unbearable partner is more appealing when words just aren’t enough when an argument ensues. You’ve tried reason; you’ve tried screaming and yelling too but your point just isn’t hitting home. Frustrated and increasingly angry at your stubborn partner, you completely forgo reason and take aim at their feelings. You get angrier when your words don’t seem to make an impact and then your partner does it; they go there. You know what I mean: the one “below the belt” hot button that they know is sure to do damage. Now you want to see them hurt like you’re hurting. Furious beyond reason with a fresh layer of hurt, no words can do justice to how bad you want to see your partner suffer in that given moment. You start to visibly shake and you can swear that you see red.

At this point, many people do one of two things. The first route to take is to get away and fast because they know if they stay in their current situation, they’ll take the second route which is to hurt their partner not with words, but with our hands.

So is there a point where we say, “Yeah, he/she deserved the slap/hit/punch”? The ethically sound answer is no, but in fact we already tolerate and justify levels of physical abuse as acceptable.

Here’s a scenario:

A man his hanging out with his buddies, watching the game. His girlfriend comes home, frazzled after a long day of work and just wants to relax. Her mood doesn’t get any better when she sees her man and five or six of his closest friends crammed in the living room, hollering at the T.V. and making a mess of the place with empty food packages and wrappers everywhere. HER empty food packages and wrappers. The woman drops her purse by the door and passes her boyfriend on the way to the next room.“Don’t you think you could have let me know you were gonna have people over?”. He rolls his eyes and looks down at her. “C’mon, you need to chill out and quit being such a bitch”.

Hot button activated.

The woman squares her shoulders and slaps her man soundly across the face before exiting the room while his friends laugh and crow about how he just got hit.
Now let’s use a similar scenario but reverse the roles of the man and woman. How would the frustrated man be tolerated by a woman’s friends who just witnessed the girlfriend get smacked? Not pleasantly, to say the least.
When it comes down to it, women and men are measured by different standards when it comes to what is unacceptable and what is tolerated. This is not because of the difference in strength and build or who has which physiological make-up; these standards are man-made.

Physical abuse is unacceptable for anyone to participate in regardless of gender. As mindful adults, we certainly have the capacity to resolve our issues beyond the primitive behavior of physically fighting. Would it feel good to get it out of your system? More than likely. Would you regret it? Certainly.
There are plenty alternatives to calm your nerves other than to take out your mood on your partner’s face and/or body. Take a walk, write a letter, punch a pillow. These methods are cliché, but they are still around for a reason; they work. Try them instead.

Are you Racist?

What is Racism?

Slavery in America was the last topic that we touched on in my American History class before our semester ended, and Stan* decided to go out with a bang. Writing the equivalent of a mini essay, he spoke of the need for education and understanding towards the issue of race and racism. Generic? Just a little. Off course? Completely. Why? Because race is not a complex issue that is tough to understand.
The subject of race is a minefield. We often find ourselves tiptoeing around the topic, terrified to slip up and make a seemingly innocent comment or joke that will label us as a RACIST. Let’s face it, after you receive that title, you may as well join a leper colony. Even they may oust you. What is it about this one word that has people reluctant to bring it up in a multi-racial environment? What does racism even mean, and could you unknowingly be racist?

Simply put, race is defined as the color of your skin and place of origin. Nothing more. Following this definition, “racism” is discrimination against someone of a different skin color or place of origin. I tried explaining this to Stan, kindly suggesting that he is confusing the term “race” with the term “culture” yet he still persisted that race was more involved than my basic definition.
I then asked him to explain to me what information is given in the “race” column of a job application or a test form (answer: skin color and/or place of origin). Surely, I inquired, Stan doesn’t think “Caucasian” or “Pacific Islander” is a lifestyle? Or does he?

Stan isn’t a unique case. We often bond our skin color to our culture and lifestyle. Some of the more narrow minded individuals (racists) make pre-emptive judgments about someone’s character based upon their skin color. Some examples that I’ve actually heard are phrases like, “White people have it easy. All black people are athletic. Ship all of the Mexicans out of here; they’re all dumb illegals who can’t speak English”. Of course, these are nothing but stereotypes but are commonly mistaken for truth.
It’s ridiculous how people tend to discriminate against others over something that they have no control over, unless there are expectant parents out there in doctor’s offices across the U.S. picking their baby’s skin tone from a color wheel.

How does the media further support the concept of racism?

Sitcoms are iconic for establishing stereotypical roles for diverse social groups, including race. White people are often depicted as snobs or beyond a hard day’s work. Black people in sitcoms often take on the role of the slapstick comedian or the criminal. Latinos are often the aloof menial laborers. We all know that the show is strictly for entertainment value, but how much of this stereotypical behavior about one another do we adopt as truth?

Unfortunately, seemingly objective points of view such as the news also bolster the concept of racism. You see, the media has the ability to filter what they broadcast, thus telling a version of a truth instead of remaining completely objective. To prove this, I went on my local news station’s website to visit the “crime” section. Every criminal on there was a minority with the exception of one white male. According to a statistic taken in 2008 separating crime by race in America, there was a mere six percent difference that divided black and white criminals. Why then, are we seeing only one race primarily represented in our media concerning crime?

So are you racist?

Most of us would give an adamant “no” without questioning but let us think for a moment. Do you laugh when someone tells a racist joke or agree with a snide presumption that someone makes about their peer by simply judging them off of their skin color? Do you spread that joke or remark to others to share in a laugh? Do you buy into the stereotypes that the media presents to us? Racism isn’t always aggressive and outspoken discrimination against someone who is a different color than our own; it can take a more harmful and contagious passive approach. Next time we click on the T.V. or hear another person being degraded for no other reason than the color they were born with, don’t take part in it. In fact, do one better and speak up.

*Name changed to protect actual student’s confidentiality
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_and_crime_in_the_United_States#Current_crime_rate_statistics